You know you are a true-blue Kuchingite when…
1. Your 2 most important decisions on waking up in the morning is to decide which coffee shop or food court to take your breakfast and what to eat.
2. You eat out 7 days a week, three times a day.
3. You have at least 150 friends or relatives who operate coffee shops and food courts. As for stall hawkers, you lost count.
4. You have at least 5 favourtie laksa stalls, 12 kolo mee stalls, 2 kueh chap stalls and ONE beef noodle stall, ie Ah Mui mee sapi, at the Open Air Market.
7. You go nuts if you don’t get your fix of kolo mee or laksa at least seven times a week.
5. You think nothing of driving 50 miles out to check out a new food court, but pull a long face when your wife ask to to buy baby milk powder at the neighbourhood sundry store.
6.You ta-pau 50 plastic packets of kolo mee, pack them in cardboard box, tie it up with raffia string, and bring them to KL for your children who are studying there. (They can be stored in the freezer, and microwaved when ready to eat, I mean the kolo mee).
7.You also bring packets of laksa Sarawak’s paste to cook them for you children studying in KL, because KL’s (and the rest of Semananjung’s) laksa sucks.
8. You request the waiter for plastic bag to ta pau your unfinished food in a restaurant, including chicken bones (“these are for my dogs”)
9.When it comes to tipping, er….sorry…what tipping?
10. While waiting for your change at the payment counter and excavating your teeth with a toothpick, you ask the cashier (whom you assume to be towkay neoh) how much is the rental per month of the restaurant.
11. You greet your Foochow friends with “Chin ku long mo kang ngieng oh,”, even though you saw him only yesterday. (*Foochow for “long time no see,”, that’s the only Foochow phrase you know)
12. You do your major grocery shopping only on Friday, the price-war-day between the supermarkets.
13. You get your mother-in-law, your father-in-law to tag along to buy “Compact” toilet rolls (super duper cheap but limited to two packets per person), then buy them lunch/dinner at HongKong Noodle House.
14. You balk and rant at the cashier at the petrol station because she told you she ran out of contest forms you are entitled to for filling up there.
15. You tell her you’d come back for it the next day, and you actually do so, even though its a 50-mile detour.
16. You think nothing of camping outside the entrance of the about-to-open shopping malls for their opening ceremony, it’s only a 6-hours wait at most.
17. You bring your whole family to the airport 6 hours before the plane arrives to pick up a family member, to enjoy the aircon and to let your kids run all around the waiting hall noisily while you look on proudly, and you don’t even have to change your clothes, ie you wear your pyjama and flip flops, or singlet with cotton shorts.
18. When you double park, it is okay. But when other people do so, you curse and swear.
19. Your Kancil car always take up two parking spaces, that is alright because you are just parking for 5 hours only not the whole day.
20. You give “Premier” brand tissue paper free advertising by displaying the tissue box on your car’s rear window all the time.
21. You stick Man U stickers on your car bumper, you just want to cover that rusty hole on the bumper, not because you’re crazy about soccer. Other popular stickers (foc of course) are those by Digi, Celcom, Liqui Moly (whatever this is)
22. You display the dolls of the Snow Whites’s Fourteen Dwarfs (two sets) on your Kancil’s rear window, together with several cushions and a hanging Garfield, two Spiderman, and several species of Hello Kittys and perhaps a Pink Panther too. And oh, a bumper sticker too (See below).
23. You put up Kuching’s best selling (perhaps the only) car bumper sticker “Baby on Board”. (Bumper stickers I’d like to see: “NO baby on board, and proud of it” or “Hot babe on board”)
24. You know the way in and out of all the shopping malls’ labyrinthine car park
25. You know practically ALL the food stalls of ALL the shopping malls coz you’ve already tried EACH and EVERY ONE (well, almost) of them. There are 7 major malls, one for each day of the week. They are Boulevard, CityOne, Merdeka, Spring, Summer, Sentral, VivaCity (coming soon) The earliest date back to the year 2008 AD.
